Posted by: Joan Spiller | April 17, 2010

My Mum died just before Xmas, part I

It was 10ish, I was in bed, CJ came into the bedroom ..

“Mum, Grandy just called to say Nan has collapsed at a church group meeting .. and we might like to go to where he / she is” ..

Funny (as such) what we do at times like that – I recall now, spending far more time worrying about what I was going to put on than was really appropriate or necessary. Those that know me, know I don’t get clothes / dressing up lol .. but anyway .. off we roared, into the night to find Dad and see what was going on.

As you’re driving, you don’t imagine it’s bad – you somehow think “we’ll arrive, it’ll be ok, it always is .. ”

I recall frantic phone calls along the way to obtain directions to the location. It was at a friend of Mum’s, a place I’d never been .. in the middle of nowhere here in HB.

Mum had been at her woman’s prayer group weekly meeting. Apparently, the evening was finishing up and she was walking to her car with some of the others who were also at the meeting. As she reached the car, she collapsed. One person said she saw ‘the lights go out’ before she fell, i.e. it was instant. Who knows..

What I do know is when we arrived, Mum was being worked on by ambulance workers.
2 ambulances had come, for reasons I do not know.
There was medical paraphernalia all around.
People shouting, instructions being issued.
Total chaos, to the untrained eyes of the people watching on.
And there were quite a few bystanders watching from various positions.

And in amongst it all I found my Dad, standing alone looking at his wife, his lover, his companion and mate of some 45+ years – laying on the ground, unconscious.

I am grateful for the timing of it, in as much as one can be – they approached Dad just a few minutes after I arrived to say they felt they had done all they could and she was ‘gone’. Gone. Just like that.. Our tenuous grip on this earth is something I really still struggle to come to terms with at times. I know if I only knew when the time was for my death, I’d probably be doin’ a bunch of things differently!

Anyway, there she was. Dead on the driveway. Again, weird what people do.. I remember asking for a blanket to cover her. Um, yeah alright .. onya Joan. It was a cold night, I wanted her covered! The logic link was a tad wobbly, I know.

Anyway, I sat down on the ground and held her head cradled in my lap, while we waited for the police to arrive and do their thing and then of course we had to wait for the coroner too.

It was a long, lonely and sad vigil.


That’s a fave pic I have of My Mum ..



Might be time for a drink, this may have to be a ‘series’ of posts..



  1. awwaw sad so sad. sORRY FOR YOUR LOSS


  2. Very sad for you Joan… it will help to write about it though, loves and hugs coming your way!


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