Posted by: Joan Spiller | June 11, 2012

My uncle died today

Some may say it’s a blessing, since he had major heart problems. But all I can think of right now is his wife, my aunt: sitting alone in hospital in Auckland.

Scared, lonely, sad. Hating that her husband has been taken away from her .. And will never come back.

I think that’s the thing about death really. Irrespective of your beliefs, regardless if you think they’ve gone to a better place and you’ll catch up one day when you also snuff this mortal coil – for that time you’re alive and they’re not: it bites. 100%.

I think Michael’s death perhaps takes me back to when Mum died .. as I sat there holding her, wrapped in a blanket – funny how we need to do that, she was dead after all. But I insisted on a blanket to “keep her warm” as we sat in the drive way and everyone talked to police and whatnot.

Then of course, was the time spent with Dad worrying and trying to help him .. As he grappled with the loss of a long term spouse.

The whole death thing really gets you to thinking about “what’s the point” and “if I die tomorrow, will it matter” (to someone).

Worse, it makes you worry about loved ones who are busy living their lives to the full, without thinking of such things as death.

Talking to CJ today, she’s leaving for an AMAZING trip to Europe with her lovely boyfriend Tim, on Monday. And she joked about the fact that she has HUGE insurance cover so if she died while away I’d instantly become a millionaire.

Originally, when we set the insurance up, I was the one joking but today, I was the one dying a little thinking “omg I’d do anything to guarantee she won’t die”.

But of course we can’t. And therein lies the rub. Life is so fragile for all we often live it like we’re bullet proof!

That said, I’m fully in support of people living life like they’re bullet proof. At least they’ve done stuff and for all they may die whilst doing said stuff, it sure as heck beats dying day by day whilst sitting safely in an arm chair worrying about the last phone account or your own shadow.

And so this post is dedicated to my aunt, who has tragically missed out on an awful lot in life thanks to what can only be called some poor choices – but who made up for it with speed and enthusiasm, once she woke up and got her life back!

I’m thinking of you today, Rhonda. And I am so so sorry to see you lose the love of your life. FWIW, at least cherish the fact you had him, eventually! That in itself is pretty special and sadly, more than many can say they’ve done.

With love,




  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I think any time we are confronted with the idea that life is short and precious, we become contemplative. I send you and your big hugs and my most heartfelt condolences.


    • Thanks you are right how it makes us think, when someone dies huh. I’ve had 3 deaths in one week, it’s been a very bad one .. but on a plus note, if it’s true they come in 3’s, I’m sorted for a long while to come!!


      • Wow. That sounds very overwhelming. Am sending many big hugs!


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