Posted by: Joan Spiller | October 19, 2014

RIP – Josh

I try to keep my blog upbeat, sharing recipes and stories that are (I hope) enjoyable to read. But today I want to do a serious post and I suspect it will descend into downright depressing before it is actually finished.. so please bear with me.

You see, this week I lost one of my favourite pets.
I know, we’re not meant to have favourites, but if you’ve ever met Josh – you know he was my baby. And how special he was. Some might say speshul..

Josh is actually the reason I have goats. Josh cried out from across the car park of the pet shop, when I was walking in to buy hens one day and Josh is who I fell in love with on sight.

I actually displayed massive self control and went home empty handed, to think about whether I should buy a goat or not. They were not on my “must have” list, I’d never really considered goats as an option. However, that evening I made up my mind that I would go back and only buy Josh.

Josh was the ugliest of all 3 kids in the pen.
He’d cut his nose, so it was scabbed with dark dried blood. He had blotchy skin and was scrawny. He had pensive eyes that always looked as tho he was a little sad..
Sam and Billy were beautiful, I knew they’d find homes easily.
Fast forward to the next day and yes, I am hopeless .. I returned home with all 3.

From day one, Josh was my baby. A real cuddler. He would crawl into my lap and nuzzle .. any time I’d go into the paddock he would elegantly reach a front paw out to me as tho to beg me for a pat. Once I got to the hut where he was most often found reclining, Josh would stand up and wrap his front legs around me, cuddling and nuzzling my head. And occasionally poking me with his horns, if he was in a cheeky mood.

He’d just started to grow his adult beard, and his horns were so big and sharp .. but he was so gentle, I never once feared he would attempt to hurt me .. his main purpose in life was to escape the paddock and come eat all the silverbeet in my garden.

Josh taught the other 2 goats how to jump the fences.


He was curious, adventurous and fearless. Which is probably why he died first, as it was always him who would get into sticky situations and in this case.. his curiosity killed him.
I won’t go into details, mainly because I have no words to describe the depth of grief I felt when I looked in the paddock and saw him .. I knew immediately he was dead for all CJ attempted to resuscitate him while I sat on the ground holding his lifeless body, crying like a baby.

Animals SUCK.

They weave their way into your hearts and leave you utterly devastated when they die. Esp in tragic, unexpected circumstances.As we cut the ties that strangled him, I felt like my heart was going to break into a million pieces. Josh’s once bright eyes: glassy and unseeing not curious and gently inquiring as was normal.

I find myself often looking outside, hoping it was just a horrible dream. That I will see him lording it over the others atop the hut they shared .. Countless times a day I would call to him, wave from the kitchen window .. he would always turn and look, occasionally call out a languid bleat back ..

kiss me
And now he’s gone.
Buried in the paddock where he once romped and played so happily.
And I miss him so much 😦

Joshie you bought indescribable quantities of  delight to my life for almost a year and I am grateful for that.
I miss you and I am so sorry I couldn’t save you, I will forever regret that.

RIP my sweet little kid.



  1. […] farm is goat free.. And it’s OK.. but I do miss Josh & Billy so much. Dealing with their deaths was a lot harder than I expected it to be, for “just a […]


  2. […] did allow myself a pity party mid year and am occasionally reminded of events / things via facebook that make me go “crap”. WHO the heck said social media was […]


  3. Josh… I’m sorry for your loss Joan and send you support from France. I’ve got many fond memories of my stay at your place while he was still a crazy billy, nearly a year ago. I hope you and the others are all doing ok!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Quentin that was a sweet message .. I am glad you still have fond memories of here, we miss you! Come back?? All is well, other than missing Joshie 🙂


  4. I had the honour of meeting Josh, and he truly was as wonderful as Joan has described. I’m not quite as eloquent as you are, Joan, and even though I only met him for a short while, he is by far, and always will be, my favourite kid. 😥 I miss him, and of course, you.

    Sending my love from america. Time and life will only heal such a wound.


    • Thanks Lia, he was a cute ratbag wasn’t he? I miss him terribly. Come back and see us again soon k ..


  5. Next to your own children, they bring the most happiness and create the most pain when they leave unexpectedly. I admire that you have always surrounded yourself with what you love the most knowing that their unconditional love for you is worth more than the pain they will one day leave. You have always been a child of nature, I’m glad it has never changed. Josh couldn’t of had a more loving family or caring mom.. take care


    • Thanks for the comment Tan, yeah .. I agree, he had a good life here, I guess I just expected it to be a long(er) one. NO age would have been acceptable for him to die tho, he was one of a kind and just melted my heart. Stupid animals, they’re a pain in my ass 😉


  6. aaahhhh jeez i cried!!! so sad…x xx sandy


    • Doh sorry Sandy .lol but if it helps, I cry all the time. Useless huh. I just miss him so much 😦


  7. Sorry to hear of your loss. 😦


    • Thank you, that was so sweet of you to stop by and comment x


  8. You have such a tender heart for all animals. I hate you had this loss,


    • Thanks James. I hate this too. I am quite devastated 😦


  9. That is truly upsetting, we completely understand, nice photo of Wills and Josh, that is cute. Am sorry to hear you lost him. Chris & Fi


  10. I am sorry you lost your fur baby 😦


    • I know we all die sometime etc but .. I wish we didn’t esp our adorable fur babies 😦


      • I know 😦 It’s heart breaking and we just want to protect them from dying or suffering but of course, yes, we all die.

        My sister is struggling like you at the moment. She had a beautiful Briard dog, around 8 years old, who had surgery last week to remove socks he had eaten (god knows why!) He came through surgery fine but died the next day. She is devastated. Tis sad.


      • Oh god, I feel for her. In a way, a dog would be way harder than a goat as they’re at least OUTSIDE ie not constant companions. I found myself considering the day any of my dogs (esp Abby, the Shepherd who is my constant companion and faithful friend) die and it breaks my heart to consider it. Give her my regards, from someone who wouldn’t want to be in her shoes 😦


      • I will, thank you. We have had to put three dogs down in old age, it’s absolutely gutting.


      • Ugh, yes a hard decision I am sure 😦


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